For quite some time I haven’t felt like “myself”. Okay, so I’ve been through a TON of life changes in the past year or so. I don’t know, maybe graduating from college and moving to a foreign country can perturb one’s fundamental life balance? But regardless, I’ve put on my detective hat in an attempt to discover why I feel so different.
The Courtney I’ve always known has felt anxious for something to happen. I always felt uneasy if I had nothing to do, and I always had eighty-seven things planned a year in advance. I used to worry constantly about the future, trying to picture myself in some clear cut lifestyle.
Then… something happened. Perhaps it was one of those shocking life changes or maybe the French have infiltrated my brain with their “everything in life is for pleasure” attitude, but when I first sat down with my 2010 planner to mark down all of the exciting/mundane things I’d have to do this year (as an organizational freak it is one of my favorite things to do), I realized as I was flipping through the pages that I have not a damn thing planned.
And it’s not that I have nothing planned for 9 months in the future that’s strange, it’s that I don’t even have any plans for February, March, April, May, June, July, or August. Nothing. People ask me when I’m coming back to the U.S. I can’t even tell you a month let alone a day. I mean it people, I HAVE NO PLANS FOR MY FUTURE.
So I tried to sit down and make a list of "life goals". I couldn't even do that. I don't really want anything right now. Miss never satisfied doesn't want anything? Blasphemy!
But… here’s the really scary thing: I don’t care! I'm 22 and I have all doors open for me. Not a bad situation to be in.
After a few weeks with this inexplicable feeling, I found a word to describe my situation. It’s called complacency.
Herein lies the problem. I feel completely A-O-K with the fact that I have no future plans. But then I worry that I should be worrying more about my future. I’m worried that I’m not worried? Are you serious? Will the worrying ever cease? Don’t people search a lifetime for complacency? Or is that different from happiness? I worry that my complacency indicates a lack of inspiration and motivation. Of course I would be the one to move all the way to France to become uninspired and complacent.
So my question to you:
Is complacency a good or bad thing?