Vive la France!!!!! I never want to leave.
There's just something about life here that makes me feel more... alive. Super corny, I know. But what can I say? My life has been super corny lately. I'm an American girl living Paris for crying out loud.
Visiting home was, uh, *thinking of an appropriate adjective*...I don't know. I definitely had fun, but everything there just felt so dreadfully normal. Sometimes I feel that I could spend all day doing absolutely nothing in Paris and still feel a sense of accomplishment, though this feeling had started to dissipate towards the end of February. I mustn't forget the bad moments that I have experienced here. There have been some really bad moments, moments in which I haven't even been able to recognize myself. It's been a painfully wonderful experience, though, and I wouldn't change any of it. Not one bit. And if anything, my trip home gave me a renewed passion for my life in France. It all feels fresh and novel like it did back in September.
It's so easy to fall back into old habits when at home for one week even after six months of living abroad. I hate that. I've spent a lot of time changing myself and I don't want to be dragged back into life before France. I'm never so proud to be American as when I'm not actually in America. Weird, isn't it? Thinking about living in the United States after this program ends scares me to death, but living in Paris forever is about as possible as socialized healthcare in the United States (sorry for the political comment but it seemed outrageously appropriate).
But I think it's important to take notice of the moments when you feel really, REALLY happy, and to try to figure out why those moments made you feel that ecstatic. And let me just say that I felt really, really, REALLY happy when I stepped off of that airplane at Charles DeGaulle and said "Merci, bonne journee!" to the flight crew. I nearly cried with joy. This inefficient, judgmental, bureaucratic nightmare of a country makes me so, so happy, and I am more than ready to take on my last three months here. So I'm sorry, France, for hating on you so much a few weeks ago. I suppose I just needed a break from you. Everything in moderation, right?